Diary of a 1st-4th Year Student: Week 2
Monday, Sept 8
I made it to the first day of actual lectures - hurrah!
I wonder how long it will take before the energy shift from the back-to-back 1st to 4th to 2nd-year class doesn’t feel quite as drastic. It’s a weird mix of years. The 1st-years are still at the “welcome to school”, “I have no clue what I’m doing” phase. The 2nd-years are at the beginning of when they’ve started figuring out what to do, and things actually matter. The 4th-years are near the end of their undergrad and are preoccupied with the next steps. They also know exactly whether or not they need to just get by or ace the course, and they know what they need to do to succeed.
My favourite part of today, though, was watching everyone who arrived late to one of my lectures come all the way down to the 5th row because it looked like there was a whole empty row. The seats were all broken, though, so they couldn't actually sit there...so they would then walk to the end of the row (hoping the seats at the end maybe weren't broken), and they'd end up against the wall on the other side, trying to subtly scootch up or down to another row. One guy even stepped over the seats to the row in front because he had long legs.
I also got to be nerdy in the library today, which was fun. I made a rough draft for my research proposal for my independent project! I love the problem-solving aspect of diving into papers, seeing what other people have found, and tying those discoveries to your own question. This is the aspect of school I’ve found is missing in my core courses - I prefer when a class has more to it than just learning and regurgitating systems, facts and terminology. I love discovering the things I learn, instead of just being presented with key takeaways from someone else’s expertise.
No more multiple-choice tests, please!
Another interesting moment today was when we were discussing study strategies in my 1st-year course (don’t even get me started on the fact that we had a whole, testable lecture explaining how to organize and consolidate/simplify study notes). The professor asked the class to chat with their neighbours about their own strategies, and then opened the floor to share anything that seemed like a good idea.
One person said (in complete earnest) to “get ChatGPT to explain it to you”.
It’s amazing how this tool hasn’t been around for THAT long, and already, it’s suggestion number 3 from the students. The prof put a pin in that conversation because obviously, using it is a hot topic, but there are ways you can use it that have varying degrees of appropriateness. In theory, having it explain something to you is one of the more helpful and less controversial use cases…but since we were in a sociology class, it might be less helpful there than in other courses.
Tuesday, Sept 9
All my classes have officially started now. Today I only had one, but I had an awesome surprise because it’s our most collaborative class, and I actually have a fellow “old” in my group! Even if we don’t end up getting to work together much (we’re often randomly put in small groups, so we work with different people), at least we will have a fellow commiseration buddy. It’s for the newest class at York - IPAL…which has had some growing pains…and was definitely not planned with potential diversity of age in mind.
At least I have all year to gather my thoughts for the course feedback.
Today, my inner theatre nerd peeked out a bit because we played a game where we had to explain to our group where to place some assorted objects in a hoop. First, we could use any way of explaining things, then we had to use no words, and then we had to use no actions and only words. For the version without words, I definitely went full physical theatre and got on the floor to act out the position of some of the objects.
It saddens me that theatre school isn’t something everyone goes through - these really are essential skills for life. How else would someone show someone else that a basket is on its side?
My hips would like to remind me that I’m not 18 - they’re rejecting the fact that I’m sitting more. Even my watch complained about that, actually, but I will ignore that one. I went to a yoga class today, and the hip stretches were so good and so bad at the same time. I’m still trying to figure out what the magic routine is with my body, physically. I’d love to be doing more physio, but I’m also trying to get ahead with school and figure out what my routine is for this term. I feel like I’m already playing catch-up with work, and things have barely started yet. I’m thinking of not going to class tomorrow to take advantage of the fact that I don’t have labs this week…and maybe I’ll go to another gym class just for fun! Though it’s good for my body to do hard physio-ey things at the gym, it’s also good for it to do fun classes while I can fit them in. I won’t always be able to go, but it’s much easier to fit in a gym session at home if I can’t find something at the right time.
Another thing I noticed today is that there’s sometimes security wandering through the library in bulletproof vests. I’m not sure if I remember them being there before…was I just in my own world?…was I just not usually there for long enough for them to come by??…is there some new thing threatening my safety on campus that I don’t know about???
It’s also really busy at school…I don’t love it…but I guess it was like that before. Probably especially in the first few weeks…when people are optimistic and full of hope for their future.
Wednesday, Sept 10
Some mild overwhelm today, but overall fine. The problem with going to uni as an adult is that there’s more real life to deal with. Sometimes I’m jealous of those with a much simpler “school, work, friends, repeat” world.
I think part of what got to me is that I’m tired of feeling out of control of things. I’m older now, and I’ve learned what I want and don’t want, what I like and don’t. Though I know everything can be a learning experience, I don’t always feel like playing the game of memorizing/learning stuff for the sake of proving I read it. I am also really enjoying working on this research project, and I wish more of my classes had more opportunities for assignments and genuine thinking. Sometimes I feel like I’m in kid school, and I’m tired of it.
One of our profs sent an email today reiterating the fact that the lecture slides, lectures, AND textbook are testable material. I’m not really sure why people keep asking if they have to read the mandatory textbook, but here we are! If you think you can do well enough without reading it, that’s your prerogative - but I think it’s dumb that profs have to play a game of making sure a certain amount of the exam content is exclusively from the textbook just to make sure those who read it are rewarded. Mandatory means do it - you’ll be better for it, I promise.
School is weird.
I did take advantage of the fact that lectures are recorded today, though. Honestly, being able to not go all the way to campus, but still have a full learning experience, is the only way I made it through last year. I couldn’t imagine going up there 5 days a week for an extended period of time.. That’s 3 hours wasted every day! For some lectures, videos are almost better because I can play and pause the video, and even rewind when needed. I listen to the lectures with captions on, too, because:
Sometimes they’re helpful when I’ve paused it, and I’m taking notes
Sometimes the substitutions spark joy
My favourite substitution today was when the professor was explaining an experiment where people had to eat 9 pounds of steak a day…but the captions labelled it as £9.
I died.
…which may also just be a sign of how pathetically boring my life is right now, but I stand by it being hilarious.
At least, it gives me some hope for the future. AI will be a while before it can fully take over. My only hope is that I have a well-paid job and a house by then.
The future is an interesting place….
Thursday, September 11
Now THAT’S a date to write out.
I remember it being a Tuesday because I had a coaching with Ros, my voice coach. I don’t think we actually watched anything live, but I do remember watching the news in my parents’ room for a bit, and us eventually realizing we still should go. I was 12…so, old enough to kind of understand, but not to REALLY understand. And I definitely did not know what the World Trade Center Twin Towers were.
I'm not going to lie - I’m happy I had to work today instead of going to school. Last year, I had class on this day, and it was weird…because I realized that most people in my classes weren’t alive for it. It’s not even like it’s just the first years or anything - there are full-blown ADULTS who weren’t alive for it! Like, QUITE adult.
Also, the other half of being a “mature” student is that life continues to life…and there seem to be more opportunities to life when you're older, simply because there has been more time to accumulate things to go wrong. Anyway, life is life-ing a little harder than necessary at the moment, and it’s looking like my reading week will be spent going home to help pack up my grandma’s house instead of getting on top of work work and school work. I’m not handling it super well at the moment? But I know it’ll happen, and it might not be great, but it’ll happen.
I just want a couple of days off…you know? I know I had a summer break, but it doesn’t feel like it. Especially because I went home instead of staying here. As much as it’s nice to go home, it prevents me from working…so I end up behind with work…and then feel like I’m permanently behind until I get a light school week…which then just means I work instead of actually having time off.
As much as having gig-work is helpful flexibility-wise, it also means I stress about when someone’s going to ask me when I can clean their place….because I KNOW I’m behind! With EVERYONE!
Friday, Sept. 12
Today was my first day this term hijacking my roommate’s boredom and explaining physiology to her. From now on, she is sure to make herself busy every day just to avoid helping me learn all about cytochrome oxidase, pyruvate dehydrogenase, and oxaloacetic acid.
And maybe now that I’ve typed them right before going to bed, they’ll stick.
I know I learned most of these terms last year…but do I remember them? No. I do slightly remember how the Electron Transport Chain works, though, so I’m hoping that a few days of review will make it go in again. I think what we have is slightly more detailed than before, but it shouldn’t be that bad. At least I remember the words pyruvate and Acetyl CoA, even if I was forgetting what/where they were, so I’m not starting TOTALLY at square one with all the terms.
I’m so torn about spending all of my time working on the written component of my independent project, so I’m happy I caught up on my lectures today. I can totally see myself spending all day nitpicking about what I wrote. I’ve missed this process, though. It’s so satisfying to write a draft, be pleasantly surprised by it, and then destroy it by changing a little part that then becomes a whole new direction for the paragraph. I also feel like I’m slightly faking it till I make it in some ways, because my prof keeps dropping hints of what could be said, and it’s often something I’ve never thought of, or something I was going to include elsewhere. I know that doesn’t necessarily mean there’s something massively wrong with what I’ve done, but it still makes me second-guess things.
I also finally caught up on one lecture I had missed on Wednesday, and I was impressed by how little I’d actually missed. It’s clearly still the beginning of the term, because it really feels like only one class has truly started already. I guess IPAL has also started, but that’s technically only half a course, and there aren’t tests, so it doesn’t feel like it has the same stakes as other classes.
Hopefully, the course challenges end at physiology, and I can continue to waste time on my other project. I’m tired of wasting time learning introductory things - I wish some of these courses could just have a month recap for no credit (but with the ability to use it to satisfy the graduation requirement), or an essay-version alternative format for mature students.
Saturday, Sept. 13
I spotted fall today! It was just a little part of a tree that was brilliant red, but it’s always fun when nature shows off its special skills. I don’t love that it’s a sign of winter coming, but I’ll take the pretty for now.
I’m still slightly stressed for the rest of the term. It feels messy with work AND life AND school…but I’m sure it will all work out. Something will happen. The stressy part will pass.
I’m really stressed about getting into a Master’s program next year because I know I’m going to run out of the steam I need to get through a full undergrad. I can barely imagine that I’m still only halfway through, let alone the thought I might have two more years here. If I do end up being stuck at York for another year, I really have to figure out how to make something out of it. I refuse to do another year of whatever just to collect points to graduate. If I’m paying tuition, I want to learn something… especially since I have a very good idea of what I want to learn.
I’m tired of playing school games. I know how to succeed at them…but I just want to learn!
I spent more time on my research proposal today. I know I’ve spent too long on it at this point, but I’m really enjoying working on it, and I feel like I’m learning a lot, even if it’s partially self-directed. I love this part of the research process, and I’m really looking forward to the next step - the literature review!
Am I a nerd or what???