Diary of a 1st-4th Year Student: ...Yep...

Monday, Sept. 22

After spending another *ahem 5 hours today on this stupid presentation I was working on all weekend, I finally finished it! My poor TA now has to spend 20 minutes watching me fumble my way through a presentation, which I can only label as ‘epically pedantic’. It is definitely not my finest presenting skills, but unfortunately, I don’t care anymore. Because this course has 3 parts, even though it’s 20% of the grade for this part, it’s really only worth 6% of this entire course. Is that worth a 15-hour project? Nope!

Glad I invested so much time over-analyzing something to death. I have grown greatly.

It saddens me that there’s no other way to mark this kind of project other than with a specific rubric. There are so many cases where the learning experience could’ve been greater (and more interesting on the receiving end, too!) had it had much looser requirements. I wish there wasn’t so much emphasis on quantifying our knowledge, or worse, seeing how accurately we can put ourselves in the grader’s shoes and guesstimate how well they will think we fit into their interpretation of a subjectively defined box.

You’d better believe I think my project satisfies the requirements 100%, so if we don’t see eye-to-eye, I pretty much need a dynamic conversation about your point of view.

Last year, I was so angry at one of my professors because his feedback was as if he had ignored half of my single-page submission. I was so tempted to send it back, highlighting what he said was missing.

But I got over it (clearly)…and now, I’m a more mature student who can handle being imperfect sometimes (not).

It doesn’t help that I feel like I need a perfect average through all this. I really want to get into physio school right now, and I can’t look past it. I know that my average is one of the main things I have going for me, and as much as I genuinely believe grades shouldn’t matter as long as you pass, that’s not the case if you’re trying to get into a super competitive program. Perfection means something, and I’m trying to get into a seemingly impossible program with the bare minimum requirements.

I know that my chances are a billion times better if I don’t screw this year up.

I wish I could just chill and enjoy some of this year - I hope it settles and I fall into the groove. Other than my independent project, it feels very dull and eye-rolly. I wish I was in some more relevant classes, and that I didn’t have to deal with some of these lower-level ‘easy’ courses. To be honest, I don’t fully hate the course content, or even the profs - it’s the process, and the academia of it all that’s the problem for me.

Tuesday, Sept. 23

Rain, rain, go away, come again - NEVER!

BUT on a positive note!!!! I actually enjoyed IPAL today! This was by far the most useful and interesting class. It only took them a year to get to ONE useful class!!!!

But seriously, though, it actually fit the brief of what they’re trying to do with the course. It needs to be more about getting to try different things and less about academeized analyzing of why people don’t exercise. I know - we need to convince the future generation to exercise, and therefore we need to learn how to set them up for success. This is not new or novel information. We’re also not learning anything by you telling us that.

Anyways - TODAY. They brought in sport wheelchairs, and we got to play with some drills in the chairs. It was technically more so that we could understand the realities of playing games in a chair…but it was just really interesting to get to use equipment that we wouldn’t usually get to use. Yes, there are wheelchair basketball leagues that anyone can join…but I’m not going to join one any time soon. I’m not going to join ANY sport league any time soon.

We tried to do something similar last year, and we just sat on the floor and pretended….and it was just dumb.

But getting to actually use the chairs in stead of talk about them was really useful. Whether we do anything with them in the future or not, the ability to physically do something makes anything so much more real.

School should be about not only learning theory and critically looking at stuff….it should also be about doing things we can’t do on our own. They have so many resources, and they have no reason to not create little microcosms of experiences.

It’s not always about getting good at things - experiencing things in little tidbits is super helpful!

In fact, not having a throughline of having to get better at anything is actually kind of good. Once the jocks start getting competitive, it gets annoying to be in the same class as them, anyways….so if you keep them doing new things, it keeps them humble!

In other news, though, the course pissed me off again because they changed the requirements for the project I spent way too much time on. Glad I lost 10 hours this weekend for a project that could’ve been 10x smaller!

Wednesday, Sept. 24

Feeling a little more on top of stuff today. Who knows how long it will last, but I managed to get a few of my ‘medium-sized’ projects done this afternoon, so this weekend will mostly be focusing on the big picture things…like test review…and one writing project I need to start. Yay! We love the big picture stuff!

Today, we had our discussion-based class, which was about socially created power dynamics. We had to relate a current events story to some of the concepts we were discussing. It’s SO sad how many poignant recent topics there were to discuss. It was also all US-based, though, which is also kind of sad. We have big things happening here, too, but they’re not as internationally buzzy.

Not that what’s going on right now is GOOD international buzz.

I’ve been trying to think what news stories would’ve been happening last year to talk about. I guess, US election stuff was in FULL swing, so that would’ve been a topic. And wars. That part’s complicated, but I’m sure there would be people who would’ve been right in the thick of knowing where that was.

I also remembered to take a picture of my FAVOURITE sign I’ve found at the school so far. In case of fire….and you need to get out of the building….just try your best - you are enough!

I don’t think that’s the point? But it’s what I get from it.

I got to be a happy camper looking for some references in the library today. Maybe tomorrow, I’ll sit down and start to write some stuff, too. I need to do some studying and write this weekend. The big picture things. I like them so much more than the silly little projects and assignments, though. Eventually, I’ll get overwhelmed, I’m sure, but I’m kind of here for this first bit of test studying! I got to do a tiny bit last weekend, and it felt like it was about time.

This is a weird mix of courses…I feel like I’m learning some stuff in exercise physiology, but it’s sort of hard to tell which things are common sense and which things I actually won’t recognize in a multiple-choice test. The 1st- and 2nd-year courses are even worse for that. There’s some terminology, but not a ton! So much common sense, though.

It’s weird having multiple-choice tests for subjective courses. I’m not in love with that…though I haven’t done one of them this year yet…so maybe they’re not that hard? Maybe it’ll be the same level as my psych course last year. That was so straightforward, it was almost frustrating by the end of the year. Single-term courses are so much better!!!

Thursday, Sept. 25

Today was another day of people wasting my time, but what else is new? This time, it was for a training call for a promo job this weekend…that they scheduled for 12:00 last Thursday…which then got bumped to 11:30 that morning….then it got bumped to today at 11:30….then at 11:40 today, it got bumped to 2:00. It finally did happen at 2:00.

When you don’t have a desk job, that’s actually supremely annoying. We’re not full-time employees, and we also weren’t even asked about a training call when we were asked for gig dates. Also, the training call was unpaid.

….really?

Whatever - the job is super easy, I also have done many versions of this activation, so it’s fine. And, sadly, I expected the drama of the training call when I accepted the gig. I love when people prove you right by letting you down.

On another note, after I finally got home from work and did my training call, I got to study for a bit! I feel like such a nerd, but it feels good to just reiterate and go over stuff that’s on the fringes of memory. It’s where I start to really feel like I understand stuff, and I love it. I hope some of it stays in my head. It saddens me how much anatomy content I had last year, and I still feel like I barely remember it…because if you don’t use it, you lose it! I had heard the rustiness of anatomy was a common issue with 1st-year physio students, and I can totally see how that can happen. I hope I’ll have a way of refreshing that part of my brain sometime this year…maybe after physiology - I don’t care about that as much.

I’m ready for some practical application stuff - I think that’s part of the problem with this term. There’s too much theory and not enough doing. While the theory is important, I’m aware that it has limited capacity to linger if it’s not also practical knowledge.

It’s sad to work so hard on learning something, knowing it will disappear.

Friday, Sept. 26

It’s Friday! Also known as workday 2 of 4 in a row. Why did I do this to myself????

Think of how much school I could get done if I didn’t decide to work every day I had this week! I just want to sit and work on my literature review for my independent project, and I keep getting interrupted with all this “going to work” stuff.

I have regrets about this weekend already, but hopefully it’s borderline fun? Borderline?

I accidentally ate what I was planning to bring for lunch tomorrow, so we’re off to a good start…I guess I’m leaving early to pick up food now.

…..not that I WASN’T going to leave early.

I had my first written thing with legit feedback today, and it was kind of glorious. I feel like so many things at York go into this random pit of abyss, and they come back with a ‘great job’, or even a ‘19/20’, and there’s very little to work with to improve upon. I really love getting actual feedback - I want to do better! It’s also good to remind myself to get out of my own head. I’ll get to the point with my writing where I just could keep reworking and reworking it, and half the time it would’ve made no difference. It’s good to have another set of eyes to see things a different way and share their impression.

I’m such a nerd….

…..but it’s fine because I admit it.

….also, I’m paying to go to school to learn. So, therefore, I’m not perfect, and please tell me how to be better. It’s not my fault that it’s hard for you to give me feedback.

Wow, that sounds conceited.

But really - I know that I’m not perfect, and giving me feedback’s the best way to remind me of that.

I did very little review today, but I got a bunch of little things done. I guess I did a bit of research this morning, but I didn’t have much time. And I missed a lecture by going to work, so I got caught up on that. Thankfully, I don’t have to get a total handle on the lecture content from today until our NEXT midterm, so I can hold off making pretty notes for that and focus on studying instead.

There’s a lot going on with my grandma at home, and I feel guilty that I can’t drop everything and be there to help. If I were working, I’d be there by now, and I could stay indefinitely. Unfortunately, I can’t afford to just peace from school and miss all my participation marks, especially since it’s not like she died. They’re much more likely to give you accommodations because of a death…even though what my parents are going through right now is actually SO much more work than if she had died. I guess it doesn’t have the emotional aspect to it, but I feel really bad that they’re having to deal with everything by themselves.

It’s really annoying how stupidly rigid some of my classes are…I understand they have to be to control the chaos, but it’s really impersonal, and it creates a really weird energy. Also, my first-year class has reminded me about a tiny assignment due on Friday every single day this week.

If someone legitimately forgets, they deserve to at this point.

Saturday, Sept. 27

I failed at doing schoolwork today, but today was honestly bizarre. I was working a promo shift downtown, and it was epic in all the wrong ways. At least it’s a company I’ve done a decent amount of work for, and I know where the issue came from…and I was kind of expecting all of the things that happened to happen.

Anyways…because there was so much storytime on the couch after with my roommate, I really didn’t get anything else done. Do I feel badly and overwhelmed by that choice? Most definitely, yes….but I know I can come back from it.

So I repeat what I’ve been saying all week….so, why did I say yes to this again?